Aljo-Log

I realize that with all my health problems I don’t stand a chance to make it to Australia to stay there. But I also feel how deeply unhappy I am in The Netherlands. These people deliberately gave me a heart condition and a muscle condition. One of my American friends refers to Afghanistan as ‘Mantanistan’. I would be happy and free as an American. Maybe I even qualify for Veterans Administration benefits or the Post 9/11 GI Bill. I mean with my heart condition I know by now how it feels to be wounded. My heart condition may not be caused by a gunshot wound but have been an act of war just the same. I feel sorry for not experiencing the European Dream, but that I feel the Europeans don’t have a clue as to how to make a place home. This is my honest opinion. I know what it is like and what it means to be an American. I know what it is like to live in Australia. It is pointless to let yourself be taken hostage by a government who denies you your freedom because you experience it differently. I don’t identify myself as being Dutch, because I know what it is like to be an American or an Australian, or German for that matter. When I listen to German radio I get the impression that they aren’t appreciating foreign attention. That if you don’t master the German language that they don’t want you there. I am working on my German language skills, my German little me is 7 years old, by the time I reach age 14 I should be fluent in German! While Canadian radio is very open for foreigners that it is appealing for people like me. Immigrant countries are probably mostly open to foreign cultures, and I like this. Not that I am bringing Dutch culture but that I like to learn how society is organised in such countries. How the Dutch force me in this role as if I were a monster because they cannot admit that people know me due to attention in Dutch media. That people have been gossiping about me for 25 years and that I am not allowed to benefit from this because I dropped out of university when I made a move to get to know American military people personally. How the Dutch made sure that I would go bald if I would opt for an American woman. There was no Dutch alternative for me, because the Dutch figured sooner or later I would go abroad due to personal success. This has been going on for so long and my legs, heart and mind will never be healthy again so I will never be free here anymore either. I cannot listen to Dutch radio because these people cannot deal with my fame, so I listen to Australian radio where I am just a little bit well known. My life is passing me by because the Netherlands government is denying me my self control and the job I could get. I am public property in The Netherlands and that I hate it. I have had it with the Dutch denying me a social life. These people are making sure I spend everyday alone in my room unable to do my own thinking and prescribing me pills I don’t need.
Aljo_

How my short term and longer term memory is really bad, that I cannot remember what I just did because my mind doesn’t hold on to this information. It is annoying but I feel this is being done to me for a reason. Everyday people try to hurt me, and that I would start changing due to thinking about who did what to me. But that the people who control me – like shrinks and the government – want me to become the way they want, so they erase these negative thoughts from my mind so that I accept my fate and don’t start to foster feelings of hatred. I am wanting to program my computer but that I cannot hold on to the information needed to form thoughts on my mind needed to program. I have textbooks which explain how to do the particular programming job I am interested in, but that I only need to open such a book and my head will start feeling like as if it is about to explode. I feel there are people who are deliberately denying me the ability to do any programming and it gets me really frustrated! Because this is no illness! This has been going on since 1992 when the Dutch decided I should no longer be able to think academically. It is a crime denying someone the freedom of thought. In my case a government sponsored crime.
Aljo_

Yesterday the ‘television movie of the week’ was on, on ZDF (Germany’s Number Two Network). It was about a woman who had her own bookshop. But that this movie really was about relationships and how males come to depend on females where children and the household are concerned. This movie was also about how older men want younger women but that these men cannot live without their women. I really hated this movie because it was like one long commercial about how I can forget about ever starting a family because the Netherlands government manipulated me into such a situation that I am no longer able to be with a woman and a child.
Aljo_

How for all my life I have been boycotted where relationships are concerned. Only recently after all these years I realized that I fell in love with blond females and that the people who controlled me like shrinks and the government categorically denied me a blond partner, but that I wasn’t aware of this. In 1994 I committed to a girl I thought I was mutually in love with. She was blond and the Dutch government wanted me to be with a student which she wasn’t. This girl rejected me 5 years later. The Dutch introduced me to another woman who wasn’t blond and who wanted a relationship with me. She was my ‘B-choice’ and that it must have been the intention by the Dutch to fix this problem of all these unwanted females once and for all. I kept on thinking about this girl who had rejected me – I simply couldn’t believe it! – while I only needed to change my mind and go for Miss B-Choice, who was nice too. There was no way I could have considered Miss B-Choice as my partner, because the people who controlled me kept confronting me with deal breakers. So I wasn’t free to approach Miss B-Choice as being interested in her, because my mind kept thinking of the girl who had rejected me. To me this is proof that I don’t have freedom of thought. To be honest I would prefer an Australian or North American woman for a partner, but I am almost 45 years old so my best years have long since gone. A nice fiancée was deliberately denied to me, as if I were a war criminal. I don’t know what’s going on. But there must be a reason for this. That me rejecting Miss B-Choice was reason for the Dutch government to give me weak legs. All my health problems are for a reason.
Aljo_

I feel I have a rider who has taken over my decision making process. Unfortunately shrinks don’t believe this is possible to begin with. So they prescribe medication which doesn’t solve my problem, and which only makes things worse for me. The Netherlands government must find out who is controlling my thinking process and then neutralize him or her. First of all the Netherlands government doesn’t have the means to do this, and if they did, they wouldn’t fight for getting me free. So I keep on dreaming of one day living in Australia. My heart condition was probably only needed by the Netherlands government to deny me the freedom to travel abroad. The Dutch authorities are never going to admit this or even punish their own people, after all this was probably a governmental order. Still I am paying the price for Dutch governmental decisions which ruined my life. I have every right to immigrate abroad. Even though I figure the government is never going to let me. The Dutch secret service with its international contacts should know if there are people who can in fact remotely control other people. I mean I think my rider isn’t Dutch but maybe Russian. There is nothing the Dutch government can do to stop this. No wonder my American friends mean so much to me, if there were any people I know who could get me free again it are my American friends. I find it hard to believe that suppose if the Russian secret service would be holding me hostage that international relations between Foreign Ministers would be going on like nothing is happening. Because holding a foreign citizen captive is a serious offense. So it is highly unlikely that the Russians are holding me captive. But then who is? My local shrink?
Aljo_

Between 1989 and 1991 I smoked one cigar per hour. This led to my teeth no longer being white and this led to my hair loss. I think there were people who controlled me and who wanted to destroy my physical health. I find that the people who are responsible for my smoking addiction need to be punished, even though to the Dutch government I am just a piece of trash and the people who made me addicted to cigars probably were shrinks and that the Dutch government wanted me to smoke because I was meeting Americans from the local Air Base with whom the Netherlands government didn’t want their people to mingle with. Maybe my pacemaker situation was caused by my smoking addiction, but that no cardiologist is going to admit this, to cover for the people – like my shrink – who did this to me.
Aljo_

Due to my pacemaker and weak legs I am no longer able to go outside by myself. Medical Doctors all are saying that this is all coincidental. I don’t agree one bit. The people who control me are denying me my freedom. Because I am a male. That the women whom I know, and who are in a similar situation as me, are all over town on their bicycles. While I can’t even walk to the next block and I can’t even ride a bicycle because I cannot interact with the traffic, because my thinking process isn’t free. This must be done to me by some shrink who is trying to re-educate me, probably to improve Dutch society. In Germany one out of four teenagers needs psychological treatment. So there must be a need to re-educate young people but my life is going to hell.
Aljo_

Yesterday I saw the Fernsehfilm der Woche on ZDF. It was titled ‘Duell in der Nacht’. It dealt with corruption in the police force in Frankfurt am Main. The film didn’t have a happy end, and that I didn’t understand everything, but this has to do with my lack of concentration, not my lack of knowledge regarding the German language. Plots like these are always very complicated. One of the actresses is called Ina Weisse, and that I find her very attractive. She reminds me of my high school love. Here is her picture.
Aljo_

I am being held captive in The Netherlands, these people won’t even let me do my own thinking. I have decided that my future is in Australia, even though I wouldn’t know how I am ever going to make it to Australia physically. Also my pacemaker is a problem, but that they could give me an Australian pacemaker. The idea alone that there were people who deliberately caused my heart condition makes me feel that I am not safe in The Netherlands. I really no longer have any business with The Netherlands, this isn’t my home, and I hate it here. I would like to try living in Australia. Even though I am not able to work for a living, but that I generate revenue. The Dutch government and health care people are only trying to demolish me. I am thinking about Nessie my Australian girlfriend since 1999 and all the Dutch females the Dutch denied to me. In 1999 I met three Australian women on the Internet one of whom was Nessie and that within a few weeks it became clear that we were both in love with each other. I am sure Nessie will be waiting for me. I don’t know any Dutch women, and I don’t care. I want to be with Nessie in Tasmania. And this is where I see my future. Because the Dutch would never give me the opportunity to be in a mutual relationship with a Dutch female like I am in a relationship with Nessie. To the Dutch I am just a mental patient, because they are denying me a normal life, because they are using me to manipulate Dutch society. To be able to punish youths for doing things differently from what the government wants and approves of. I would be happy in Tasmania, while in the Netherlands I would always be wondering ‘Why am I here anyway?’.
Aljo_

PS, I am not trying to say that Nessie should have put her life on hold for me for a decade. I would probably never be living in Tasmania. But the fact alone that the Dixie Chicks refer to Nessie in one of their songs sure makes me realize that Nessie and me are compatible. So if we would have met in say 2000 that we could have been in a real relationship in Tasmania!

I am confronted everyday with the fact that I am not free to control my own thinking process. So I shout: “Set me free, Prime Minister Balkenende!” Or: “Let me go Jesus!” This might seem typical behavior for a mental patient. But that over time I have come to the conclusion that my mental condition isn’t an illness but that nobody is going to fix this for me. I am being used for some mission and my delusional thoughts are generated by people who want me to be delusional. My shouting is like screaming “Help!” before going under and drowning. I no longer believe The Netherlands government is going to set me free, even if they could. How the Dutch secret service is a laugh, because my pacemaker was most likely caused by me being poisoned. That as it was I should never have smoked ever and that stopping me from smoking meant a major concession on my behalf. That it cost me my sex drive. That the Dutch ended up taking away my freedom to generate my own thoughts to make sure I wouldn’t do anything the government didn’t want. How my concentration is too bad for reading a book or doing any programming. Because I am not allowed to do this by myself. And it is only getting worse, that now I am having difficulty understanding conversation on television or on radio because I cannot remember anything. This gets me really frustrated, knowing that nobody is going to address the truth about my situation. I am willing to do my part, but I have been a monkey since 1992 and this is taking too long. That dogs start to bark and howl when you leave them alone for too long, but that I am a human being. As a human being you want to think your own free thoughts and go outside and do things. But that the Dutch government is denying me this! With my controversial history being known as a lunatic or a clinic clown that no company is going to hire me. I figure should I ever become fit for work ever again that I want to start my own business. I don’t think about this too often because I really don’t believe I will ever be in good health ever again. I think my good health was deliberately taken away from me, and it is probably irreversible. Thinking back I realize that I noticed at age 10 that I had actually two thinking processes, my own thinking process and a thinking process of an older person who helped me becoming more intelligent. But that this situation was incompatible with a love life. So I had to postpone my love life indefinitely. Currently this second thinking process has become like the thinking process of someone with Alzheimer disease. That I am unable to think effectively because I have a dominant thinking process of someone who is really old. I am only able to think as if I were a senior citizen, which is even worse than being able to think with delusions. But that this Alzheimer situation isn’t an illness in my case, because Aljo is not suffering from Alzheimer! I am subjected to this by people who want to confront me with my inability to control my own destiny. How my failing health is only intended to make me feel that these people aren’t setting me free. I wonder who these people are, and I still have a Dutch passport so if there is anybody who should know the truth it is the Dutch Prime Minister. But that the Dutch government hates me for loving Australia, Canada and America more than The Netherlands so even if the Netherlands government could set me free, they wouldn’t be in a hurry
Aljo_