Aljo-Log

Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

A decade ago, when Wim Kok was Prime Minister of The Netherlands I used to shout: “Let me go Kok!” After Mr. Kok Jan Peter Balkenende became Dutch Prime Minister, so then I used to shout: “Set me free Mr. Balkenende!” All this shouting didn’t help. Because the Dutch Prime Minister doesn’t give a damn that my mind is being held hostage because he doesn’t have the power to stop these people from holding me captive, these people are simply too big for the Dutch Prime Minister. This is the main reason for me to no longer feeling at home in the Netherlands. To gag me my physical health is really bad too now. But why would certain people go to such great lengths to hold me captive? Because I offer them a link to God. That I am like a phone booth to telephone with God. This situation is incompatible with me having a love life so I am being denied a love life. But now my mental condition is getting worse, I can no longer concentrate, I cannot learn, I cannot control myself because my mind obeys someone else. And I find that it has been enough.
Aljo_

I am not able to think freely because certain people control my consciousness. The reason why they are doing this to me is because they want me to believe in Jesus and in God. Of course if these people are able to block my thinking process without me even knowing who they are, that this is proof that there is a higher power which controls the destiny of the Human Race. These people who are ruining my life – only because they want me to be a believer – are surely placing a lot of importance on the fact that there actually is a God. My love life too was sacrificed because people didn’t believe.  I got to meet women I liked but that I had to be religious to even stand a chance of being with one of them and that the people who control me weren’t convinced of my religious motivation. Try explaining to a shrink that someone else is controlling your consciousness. He will never believe you even if he knows the people who are doing this to you! I don’t need a shrink I need a lawyer and a private investigator. I need a PI for finding out who is responsible for denying me control over my own thinking process and then I need a lawyer to sue these people for setting me free and paying me compensation. If the Netherlands government is really responsible for denying me freedom of thought that then this legal process could become a big fight. Because these Dutch politicians and civil servants who are ruining my life are never going to address the truth. The government is so big, how do you determine who is responsible for your little problem? All this is only because my generation quit going to church.
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PS, How I am being bored to death, only to confront me with religion. That I have to think about Jesus and pray. Day after day, week after week, year after year, alone, doing nothing in my apartment. Only to turn me into a believer. This is crazy and wrong!

PPS, I feel how a shrink is re-educating me, this is a crime!

How adversity is the main reason for people to believe in God and seek comfort in Jesus Christ. When you live a life that  is free of misery that religion has no use for you. That my problem with a lack of freedom of thought is needed to put pressure on me so that I will be susceptible to Christianity. When my mind refuses to think – which is about all the time – that I can only think about Jesus. So then I start to curse, but that cursing is not enough and these people who are doing this to me make my situation so bad that instead of screaming  God Damned that I start to shout ‘God Almighty in heaven!’ That there must be people who are brain washing me in order to make Christianity relevant in Dutch society. This gets me so angry! My whole life is being sacrificed in order to make other people believe again. One person – me – being sacrificed is only a small price to pay to fix the church. But of course I am not going to accept this. That I am so angry that cursing as loud as I can is no longer enough to show how I feel. I like to talk to clergymen about this, so that they can convince me of the need and use of this mission. Still The Netherlands is no longer my home.
Aljo_

There are two opposites: 1) More versus Less and 2) Slow versus Fast. I pondered this for years and I have realized that ‘more’ means sex before marriage, more specifically sexual intercourse for fun. While ‘less’ means sex because of love in a steady relationship. ‘Slow’ means sex between two people, where ‘fast’ means masturbation alone. These things might seem at first to have nothing in common other than that these are opposites. Still if you believe in God that he will explain this to you.

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How I notice lately that some ghost is sabotaging my thoughts and actions. This ghost is in control of my decision making process and is making sure that when Aljo is trying to think anything that this ghost alters the very thought Aljo is trying to generate. For instance there are three mugs with coffee in them, the first mug needs one sugar cube, the second mug needs two sugar cubes and the third mug needs no sugar cube. So I have in my hand three sugar cubes, and that when Aljo decided to put these sugar cubes in the mugs the way he intended his consciousness was altered and made Aljo put one sugar cube in all three mugs. I think my soul is dead and that my body and mind is being controlled by the soul of someone else. I have got no clue as to what could possibly be the use of this situation. “Boys will be girls and girls will be boys, it’s a mixed up world.” as the lyric by the Kinks goes. Aljo isn’t Aljo, Aljo is someone else. But that mental health care providers will never even consider this. How one shrink took my hair because I was in love with the wrong female. While his predecessor had explicitly said that baldness is for genetic reasons only. The Netherlands is no longer like home to me, so to brainwash me there were people who imposed this spirit on me to force me to do what the Dutch want. I wrote my clergyman about how I was possessed by an evil spirit, he probably didn’t consider this a problem but rather a good thing because it would turn me into a God fearing person. How in 1992 when I was in the Utrecht University Medical Center that I noticed that someone took my freedom of thought away from me as if a rider mounted me. Since that moment I could no longer do any programming and read computer science textbooks or any other book for that matter. Because I realized this was being done to me, I vowed never to think about any university again, so I fell in love with a young woman in a downtown shop, and remained true to her for over 10 years. Later I discovered that it was the Dutch government’s intention that I should be in a relationship with a female academic. While academic women had started my hair loss. And that this shop female was to me like how I was to the local American women in the US Air Force whom I had gotten to know. That I was kicked off university because I had called a female American military radio presenter at work. This was in 1986 and that I appreciate American women because all my life Dutch females have been kept at a distance from me. After more than 10 years of me dropping out of university and falling very much in love with a working girl, university study seemed to me something I didn’t need, could no longer muster and basically had become irrelevant to me. Now I realize that this girl in this shop was only needed to break my heart and stop me from thinking about American culture. Back in the early nineties I was really well informed about American politics. I must have known about one thousand country songs and that after the Americans left the local base that the Dutch wanted me to become Dutch again. How in high school I wasn’t part of a peer group. That I never went out with friends and that when the Americans invited me that there was nothing holding me back. This must be the reason why I have a pacemaker. That the Dutch wanted to hurt me for looking for love on base. It is true The Netherlands doesn’t really interest me anymore, that instead of following Dutch politics I am following German politics and that I realize that German politics are much more fun. Even though the Dutch are never going to set me free so that I could move to Berlin or Mainz. The fact alone that the Dutch got me into this mess makes me realize that The Netherlands is a mediocre country. That they wanted to use me, but at the same time couldn’t set me free to plan my own life. I would have liked to have accomplished a Masters Degree, but that the Dutch wanted me to have an average job and an average house and an average wife. Because they wanted to use me to subject the Dutch to local rule. That the Americans would actually treat me like a General was something they hadn’t considered a possibility.

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How my chronic conditions make me needy of care. I feel there have been people all along who had this power over me who deliberately denied me my autonomy/independence. How there is no way I could have any children, I can’t even care for myself let alone a family. That I cannot choose to have children, because the Dutch manipulate me in such a way that I would never be with a woman whom I would love enough to start a family with. But a long time ago, I once was wanted and maybe even popular. But I left the church so these people used their influence on the government to take my good health away from me. I am 44 years old and since the past 5 years I have been living the life of a senior citizen because the government wants me to be too old to start a family. If all this were true you could imagine how this makes me feel about The Netherlands. I have every right to want to leave this country. But justification for leaving would be if my new homeland would feel like home. How I am unable to think my own free thoughts, that when I am trying to read a textbook about computers that my mind blocks all the time, and that for this reason there is absolutely nothing I can do with all the time I have on my hands. It seems as if I can only think about Jesus Christ and the Dutch Prime Minister, and I simply don’t believe that this is some symptom of some mental illness. No there are people who are trying  to brainwash me so that I would become a devout Christian. How my whole life since age 32 is all about punishment, as if I am having to endure this punishment for the crimes other people commit. No love life, no physical fitness, no freedom, no friends, no fun. And this is deliberately being denied to me. How people who know me, know that I am watching television on Friday evening, so they call me when I am right in the middle of my favorite drama show, that this is the government manipulating my social life because they don’t have anything better to do, and because they feel they can handle me because I have three chronic health conditions. I have become so unattractive, this was also deliberately done to me! That when I was in primary school that it had already been decided by the government that I would become a monster, that my ‘popularity’ was only needed to single me out so that people would know who I was and that I existed. Part two was that I needed to be destroyed. I hate The Netherlands, but due to my weak legs and pacemaker I can no longer move to some other country where I would feel at home. Dutch television is still on my case constantly, while I stopped watching them over 7 years ago, these references are becoming more and more extreme and nasty all the time. I no longer enjoy Dutch radio anymore either so I listen to foreign radio, it has to do with the fact that if you refer to me, you need to do so in a friendly manner, because if you don’t I tune out.

Aljo_

Today I got confirmation that my mental condition was done to me because I had left the church after I graduated from high school. I don’t know how they made me delusional maybe they poisoned me, but the result is that I am a piece of trash now without an education and a future and that all this was done to me because of the demise of the church. The government must have known the truth about this all along and so must the shrinks who treated me over the past two decades have known the truth, prescribing me medication in too high a dose or a medication I didn’t even need at all. That when I didn’t return to the church that the Dutch made me bald and unattractive and made sure I would not be with a female partner I would have liked so that there would be no way that I could have gotten married and started a family. So I don’t care for The Netherlands anymore, because these people treat me like a detainee. With my pacemaker I can no longer leave the Netherlands to start a life somewhere else. I find that I am the victim of a government sponsored crime. How Dutch minister for children and family Andre Rouvoet didn’t give a damn, he was only interested in furthering the church’s political agenda. No children or families for non believers.

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How I feel there are people who are denying me freedom of thought, and that this has to do with Christianity. That whenever I realize that my mind is being blocked that I am having thoughts about Jesus Christ. That when this happens I don’t think: “Let me think!”, or “Set me free!”, instead I shout :“I want Jesus! Let me Jesus!” While Jesus doesn’t have anything to do with my thinking problem! Would there be people who control my mind and who want to turn Jesus into my Saviour? That these people are using these thinking frustrations as a whip to force me to believe in Jesus. How my whole being is obeying the soul of someone else, that I clearly notice how my consciousness isn’t my own, that I am merely a passenger of this other person who controls me. This gets me very angry. What these people are doing to me is very wrong. And not a single shrink is going to consider the truth, because Medical Doctors don’t want to have to deal with some condition being the result of some deliberate act by some criminal or secret organization. I need my freedom of thought back, it has been such a long time since I controlled my own mind and all this medication won’t have done me any good either. Do you believe that my thinking process is being blocked to force me to think about Jesus? That I am being converted, by the sword? Who would be doing this? And why wouldn’t shrinks believe me that there are people blocking my thinking process? Would it make sense that a government with Christian Democrats would do things like this? That senior civil servants and shrinks who are believers will use their power to further their Christian cause! Still this would be an abuse of power.

Aljo_

It is so simple. When in high school all nice girls had been removed from my class, I no longer had interaction with girls. In university there were only three different female students who I knew and who I saw regularly. Then in June of 1986 I was at this student party in downtown Utrecht. I danced the Cha Cha with a very attractive female student. When this dance was over, I was thinking about what I wanted to say to her. The thought which entered my mind was: “I am God.” So I immediately realized that this wasn’t what I was thinking. This was my first delusional thought. That there were enemy snipers waiting to open fire when I would get near enough to a woman. I got angry at this student I danced with, because she was my only chance and because she didn’t want to have a beer with me so things were all over for me. The Saturday morning after the party in Utrecht I was with male study friends listening to American military radio where my love interest K was presenting her show. I told my friends: “How do you like my wife?” I had been thinking about K for almost two years by then, and that I wanted to go and meet her in Belgium. Instead I went vacationing with a friend in the Uk. I now realize that the Dutch wanted to keep me away from K, but that they weren’t going to grant me a Dutch girlfriend I would like better than K. So in September of 1986 I phoned K for the first time. And that during this telephone conversation I realized that someone else was controlling my thinking process. How I could tell, “I am not thinking this, student so and so would be saying something like this.” After calling K, I was no longer welcome at the university, even though I reckon the Dutch would never have let me live my life the way I would have wanted to. My fellow students realized I wasn’t sexually active and that at age 21 this is really not normal. At the time nobody must have realized that the enemy would start shooting when I got too close to a relationship. My shrinks never talked to me about sex, that they wanted to brainwash me, how I was only allowed to be with one woman they had selected for me. But that I found this very wrong and unfair. Years later the situation was like this: I am in love with E and she is occupied so if I stick with her I will go bald. I could start something with C but I am unable to change my mind about E. So I went bald. That these shrinks must have thought that I would give up E facing baldness. That women like C had started my hair loss, and that my hair loss would ruin the rest of my career. I was manipulated to remain true to E, but now a decade later, I saw E on local television and that I realized that I was still in love with her. The Netherlands government made sure E would not be available for me when I needed her. I reckoned I would have gone bald anyway and why would I cooperate with the government knowing what they did to me? It would be best for me if I immigrated to Australia, even though then the Australian government would get a call from the French Foreign Minister: “Aljo c’est notre possession.” Besides there is a taboo on immigration in Australia, and I cannot work for a living. I dropped out of university in January of 1987. If the Netherlands government had been interested in and have wanted to fix my situation that they could have done so long ago. Even though my only way out of being a mental patient was being with C. When I turned her down – from the start – the Dutch simply took away another ten years of my life.  C wasn’t turned on by me, so there was no spark, and I wasn’t looking for a woman I didn’t know, and who was imposed on me. Thinking back on this period I realize that I had a difference of opinion with the Netherlands government. That these people wanted me to be a devout Christian, and that I wouldn’t be with C if I weren’t. So there was no way for me to convince the Dutch that I was into Christianity because they simply wouldn’t have believed me. I regularly attended church which I liked but I got the feeling that these people simply denied me the freedom to determine myself what I wanted to do with my life. In the meantime I had turned into a very unattractive creep, after all I had been a mental patient for a long time, and my smoking addiction had done to me what the Dutch government had intended to do to me: make me old and unattractive. Surely after reading this message doesn’t it make perfect sense that my life was destroyed by people who could come so close that they were able to make me think thoughts which I didn’t control. I no longer belong in the Netherlands. I am optimistic that I can give to the Australian government what they want from me in return for granting me an immigrant visa.

Aljo_

Shrinks have diagnosed me with a mental illness. While after all these years I have become convinced that there are people who are in fact manipulating my thinking process. That there are people in my consciousness who know what I am thinking about and who are making sure I am not in control of my own mind, that my thinking process is obeying them instead. I am like a passenger of my own mind, I don’t drive my own mind, and this is really bad! Even though this could be something I agreed with. Also my memory is very bad, as if my memory is blank most of the time. So that these people who generate thoughts on my mind can have total control over my thinking process. This makes me think of the science fiction television series Star Trek, that there are people who are being beamed up into my consciousness and who then can frustrate my thinking process. This gets me so angry, that I shout: “Set me free, Jesus!” Because these people who have control over my mind are only using Jesus for their own purpose, so that these people can keep on playing God.

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