Aljo-Log

Archive for the ‘Computing’ Category

I bought this book, it is really fun and accessible, if only I were free to use my mind for what I would want!

Aljo_

I would like to work with Microsoft Blend 3 with Sketchflow, but that whenever I startup Blend that my mind is being switched off by my rider. That Blend is really user friendly but that the people who control my thinking process are making sure I cannot think about Blend. This gets me really frustrated so I start to shout and curse about it because this is deliberately being done to me. Please imagine how my brain is simply obeying someone else who is denying me to think about the things I would want to, myself.

Aljo_

I am unfit for work, so I get disability pay. But lately I notice so clearly that my consciousness isn’t my own but controlled by someone else. Because my consciousness isn’t my own I cannot concentrate enough to read a book. Who would be controlling my consciousness if I am not controlling it myself? It isn’t my next door neighbor! This must be done by a governmental organization. That these people use my consciousness for some mission. I am 44 years old, my life has been totally useless for the past 10 years, I cannot go out, I cannot work for a living, I cannot even do my own grocery shopping. There must be people in the Netherlands government who deliberately deny me the ability to live my own life. I find this a government sponsored crime. But then if these people would set my mind free, I would still have my heart condition and my muscle condition and that I refuse to believe I got these physical conditions by chance. I reckon these disabilities were done to me to be able to totally control me. My life is like as if I am a detainee, which is so unfair. I have gotten to hate The Netherlands for doing this to me. There must have been a high ranking Dutch government official who came up with the idea to totally make my life impossible, because I no longer listened to Dutch radio, wasn’t interested in Dutch women and stopped attending church. But that even before I was kicked off university, that my fellow students must have had instructions about how to interact with me. That for instance I was totally unable to think autonomously, that whenever there was a math problem that I had to debate with fellow students about how to solve it and then we could. These days I spend my time alone in my apartment and that I still notice how I need someone to confer with to be able to do the things I want. Because thinking by myself with my own brain has been made impossible for me, so that I cannot do and understand complicated things with my mind because my mind was programmed this way and that there is nobody here who could help me. Maybe the Dutch would let me study at some university at age 50, while I spent 20 years being frustrated over the fact that I couldn’t autonomously solve my own computer problems, because my thinking process was being obstructed. So I am simply not interested in studying after being subjected to this ordeal of not being able to do my own thinking for so many years. It wouldn’t be a big deal if there would be one programmer fewer in the world. It would make much more sense to have a job which lets you make people aware of what other things they can do with their computer. But that the Netherlands government isn’t going to set me free to apply for a job with a company I would like to work for. And I feel this would be a right all Dutch nationals have. I am the chicken that lays the golden eggs so the Dutch government isn’t going to let others get away with hiring me for my talent. How lately I notice how my memory is being erased. Mainly the memories I acquired while serving as an intern in The White House under President Clinton, and my basic training under President Bush Senior, because this makes Dutch officials sick with jealousy. I accuse the Netherlands government of deliberately making my health impossible resulting in a total lack of freedom and that they cannot get away with this!

Aljo_

PS, After reading this post a day after I wrote it, I notice that there are three or four times in this text when I am trying to make a point and that it simply doesn’t happen, that my rider is making sure I am not making the point I want.
PPS, Maybe the Dutch will treat me like a prince and let me study at Delft Technical University, that would be an offer I couldn’t refuse, even though I had to wait for this for decades. Then I wouldn’t have anything to complain about I guess. Even though I don’t find this complaining, it is frustration. How President Bush Senior stepped out of his Presidential limousine to walk into a building to sign the guestbook of Delft Technical University. He was in Delft because of how some of the first Americans went to church in Delft before they sailed to America. This was in the early 1990s, when President Bush did speeches at every opportunity he got. How he spoke about things going full circle.

I want to program my computer, build Silverlight applications, but that there are people who disable my concentration, and that they brag about it on Dutch radio how I got all this time on my hands doing nothing all day because these people are making sure my mind won’t function properly. I get really upset about this, this gets me angry! But that I am on disability pay (not to mention the medication they make me take) and that there are people who are regulating this matter, and who think that if I am in fact unfit for work that I shouldn’t be able to do any programming either. So they are mentally controlling me in such a way that my mind cannot think about programming. The reason why I am unfit for work is almost gone, so I come to the conclusion that things will probably get better eventually. Isn’t it crazy to be a mental patient because there are people who are in fact making sure you are unable to think freely and your own thoughts?

Aljo_

Today I got an email from Word Press that a new version was available, and that I decided to download and install it. Even though I was hesitant about it. Anyway, it all worked fine without any problems. So then I was in the newest Word Press version and discovered it is very easy to put other themes on display. Earlier this month I got Artisteer 2 for my birthday and it is also able to produce Word Press templates (themes)! So today I tried it and it all worked really easily and nicely.

Aljo_

The Dutch did something to my thinking process, ever since I studied at a local university, the ability to do my own thinking has been denied to me. That whenever I face a problem that my mind isn’t free to solve it by myself! That I need to confer with others about my (technological) problem. This has got nothing to do with me not being clever enough, this has to do with the fact that my independence is being denied to me, by the people who control me. This gets me really frustrated and angry, I find this unfair, while any shrink will conclude that it is a sign or a symptom of some mental disorder. There goes the truth… And I haven’t been able to think freely for over 20 years!

Aljo_

My mind always feels as if it is in need of sleep, even if I just got out of bed. That when I open a book about programming that instantly my mind becomes drowsy and my head starts to hurt like a beginning head ache. Shrinks actually tell me that this is a symptom of my mental condition, something I refuse to believe, to me this seems more like how certain people deny me the freedom to think academically with my own mind. The only times I can concentrate is when I cannot sleep at night, but then I really need sleep! How in recent years I did code a program, mainly during sleepless nights and that when I completed my project that I couldn’t believe I had actually produced it. Not that it was too difficult but because I felt like I didn’t control my own thinking process. How my memory is getting worse by the day, that I cannot remember more than 3 sentences I just read and that sometimes my eyes read but that my mind refuses to take in the information. This is no symptom of mental illness! There are people denying me freedom of thought. People who want to use me as punishment. This has been going on since 1992, and that I can still remember the very moment when this situation started, when I lost control over my own consciousness. How these shrinks must have thought: “Computer science – game over!” So I am being bored every day all day, unable to use my mind for what I would want. These bastards who are doing this to me, cannot get away with this!

Aljo_

I want to read a book about computer programming, but that as soon as I open such a book to read that after reading three sentences that my brain starts to ache. That it is too much effort for me mentally. I think there are people – like my rider – who deny me to read books and use my brain intellectually. How the Dutch realized that I truly have a rider, and that they wanted to control my thinking process remotely too, instead of letting me think according to my own free will (setting me free). I hate The Netherlands. When I view a TV drama series that I cannot remember the faces of the actors and actresses that if some character hasn’t been on the screen for 5 minutes that I no longer know who I am dealing with. This is really serious! Also in real life I have a problem with remembering faces and names, as if certain people erase this information from my brain. Try explaining this to a shrink. Would this be because they made me take an overdose of the medication I am taking for 10 years or because I once fell hard on the back of my head? The Dutch government envies me my freedom they could have prevented my pacemaker and weak legs but they wanted this. The Netherlands no longer is my country.

Aljo_

I bought this book about Blend 3, it is not that complicated, but that I am under the impression that there is someone who is in fact denying me to remember what I just read. That whenever I am reading something that I am not able to remember more than the last two to three sentences. This is no illness, reading is deliberately being made impossible for me! How my shrink told me: “I have a university degree and you don’t.” This makes me think of the Australian band Midnight Oil (as in ‘burning the midnight oil’), how their lead singer – who is into politics these days – is completely bald and that I couldn’t care less about studying after deliberately being made bald. All this only shows how little freedom the Dutch grant me, that they deliberately are making it impossible for me to do what I would want to do with my time. How they deliberately introduced me to women who could and would take my hair. While my female shrink told me: “Hair loss is genetic only”, yeah right. Medical Doctors whom I meet will never address the truth about my situation, that my shrink doesn’t want to see me, because my condition isn’t an illness but for political reasons. He cannot deny or deal with the truth as I see it. So he avoids me and that these people deny me freedom of thought to force me to not be able to think about my situation. Canada is nice, I realize that I like Nina – as being a regular Canadian woman – a lot. Maybe it would be nice to live in Vancouver, British Columbia. I may not be free to read, I can listen to Canadian radio!

Aljo_

I downloaded a trial version of Microsoft Blend 3. I installed it on my computer and can now use it for 60 days. From what I have seen so far, this product is a lot of fun! But that today I got the urge not to try Blend 3 but download and install XAMPP instead. XAMPP turns your computer into a server where you then can install and use Internet applications like Joomla. I remember trying XAMPP before and that it messed up my computer. Guess what I installed XAMPP then I tried to install Joomla too by adding a MySql database which needed a password and I selected one wrong option and XAMPP jammed beyond repair. So I thought I’ll deinstall and install it again, which didn’t work because the MySql keeps stopping and deactivating itself. I tried XAMPP before and that it messed up back then too. I just wonder why this weekend I was so interested in XAMPP, while I really wanted to try out Blend 3. I reckon certain people try to keep me away from Microsoft products, but that they deny me to successfully use alternative products too. Freedom of thought is being denied to me this is why I am unable to program, because certain people disturb my own thinking process. This gets me so angry that I can curse for hours. These people have got no right to manipulate my thinking process like they do! This is inappropriate!

Aljo_