Aljo-Log

Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

I am confronted everyday with the fact that I am not free to control my own thinking process. So I shout: “Set me free, Prime Minister Balkenende!” Or: “Let me go Jesus!” This might seem typical behavior for a mental patient. But that over time I have come to the conclusion that my mental condition isn’t an illness but that nobody is going to fix this for me. I am being used for some mission and my delusional thoughts are generated by people who want me to be delusional. My shouting is like screaming “Help!” before going under and drowning. I no longer believe The Netherlands government is going to set me free, even if they could. How the Dutch secret service is a laugh, because my pacemaker was most likely caused by me being poisoned. That as it was I should never have smoked ever and that stopping me from smoking meant a major concession on my behalf. That it cost me my sex drive. That the Dutch ended up taking away my freedom to generate my own thoughts to make sure I wouldn’t do anything the government didn’t want. How my concentration is too bad for reading a book or doing any programming. Because I am not allowed to do this by myself. And it is only getting worse, that now I am having difficulty understanding conversation on television or on radio because I cannot remember anything. This gets me really frustrated, knowing that nobody is going to address the truth about my situation. I am willing to do my part, but I have been a monkey since 1992 and this is taking too long. That dogs start to bark and howl when you leave them alone for too long, but that I am a human being. As a human being you want to think your own free thoughts and go outside and do things. But that the Dutch government is denying me this! With my controversial history being known as a lunatic or a clinic clown that no company is going to hire me. I figure should I ever become fit for work ever again that I want to start my own business. I don’t think about this too often because I really don’t believe I will ever be in good health ever again. I think my good health was deliberately taken away from me, and it is probably irreversible. Thinking back I realize that I noticed at age 10 that I had actually two thinking processes, my own thinking process and a thinking process of an older person who helped me becoming more intelligent. But that this situation was incompatible with a love life. So I had to postpone my love life indefinitely. Currently this second thinking process has become like the thinking process of someone with Alzheimer disease. That I am unable to think effectively because I have a dominant thinking process of someone who is really old. I am only able to think as if I were a senior citizen, which is even worse than being able to think with delusions. But that this Alzheimer situation isn’t an illness in my case, because Aljo is not suffering from Alzheimer! I am subjected to this by people who want to confront me with my inability to control my own destiny. How my failing health is only intended to make me feel that these people aren’t setting me free. I wonder who these people are, and I still have a Dutch passport so if there is anybody who should know the truth it is the Dutch Prime Minister. But that the Dutch government hates me for loving Australia, Canada and America more than The Netherlands so even if the Netherlands government could set me free, they wouldn’t be in a hurry
Aljo_

I started losing hair at age 26 and now almost 20 years later I am still losing hair. I have been thinking about why I have lost so much hair from the top of my head. Being a mental patient, that a shrink can control you because you trust him (or her) and because you are in need of help. I think one of my first shrinks had decided that I should go bald and that he probably had permission from the Netherlands government to take my hair, as a correctional activity. Now over 20 years later I realize that I have a rider who can control my thinking process and that maybe this rider is friends with my shrink that my shrink and my rider both had decided I should go bald. My American friends couldn’t stop them even though they must have tried. What I learned from this is that you should never trust a shrink. When you are a mental patient that you don’t have any ‘normal’ friends. I had a female shrink and thinking back I reckon she was only needed to find out how the people in the mental health care facility could take my last hair. Because the Americans wanted me to keep my hair and that the Netherlands government couldn’t accept that I would receive any favors from the US government. I no longer want to be in The Netherlands, but that I am no longer physically able to leave here. The Dutch must have realized that I had long decided that I wanted to leave the country for good and therefore they gave me a pacemaker and because I was no longer interested in Dutch women the people who controlled me also gave me a muscle disorder rendering my legs too weak to get back up after a fall. I hate The Netherlands for doing this to me. The Netherlands is no longer my home. I mean I have a girlfriend in Tasmania, we have been friends since 1999 and she told me our feelings are mutual. The Netherlands government simply doesn’t have the moral authority to effectively lock me up because they envy me my freedom!
Aljo_

Last week there was a man on German television whose name was Fidel Helmer, I knew he existed but I cannot remember what organization he is a part of and why he was on the television news. If you were to translate this name into English it would literally be: ‘loyal helmet’. That I have been made bald because the Netherlands government didn’t want to let me go and move to some other country. That the Dutch made me bald because they wanted to be sure that I would be loyal. Not to mention the other even more famous Fidel, Cuba’s Fidel Castro. I think ‘castro’ translates into castrated. That the Netherlands government castrated me to make sure I would not leave. As you can understand the Netherlands government is obsessed with my freedom, that they made my life here almost totally impossible. Still it is their own fault because they made sure I would not have a love life, because I wasn’t part of a peer group, in fact I was teased away by Dutch radio and this is why I fell in love with an American woman and then got to the conclusion that America is a much more interesting country than The Netherlands. That when the Dutch realized they wouldn’t get me back, that they acted to make me loyal again. Even though having been made bald deliberately won’t make me love this place.
Aljo_

How adversity is the main reason for people to believe in God and seek comfort in Jesus Christ. When you live a life that  is free of misery that religion has no use for you. That my problem with a lack of freedom of thought is needed to put pressure on me so that I will be susceptible to Christianity. When my mind refuses to think – which is about all the time – that I can only think about Jesus. So then I start to curse, but that cursing is not enough and these people who are doing this to me make my situation so bad that instead of screaming  God Damned that I start to shout ‘God Almighty in heaven!’ That there must be people who are brain washing me in order to make Christianity relevant in Dutch society. This gets me so angry! My whole life is being sacrificed in order to make other people believe again. One person – me – being sacrificed is only a small price to pay to fix the church. But of course I am not going to accept this. That I am so angry that cursing as loud as I can is no longer enough to show how I feel. I like to talk to clergymen about this, so that they can convince me of the need and use of this mission. Still The Netherlands is no longer my home.
Aljo_

Shrinks have diagnosed me with a mental illness. While after all these years I have become convinced that there are people who are in fact manipulating my thinking process. That there are people in my consciousness who know what I am thinking about and who are making sure I am not in control of my own mind, that my thinking process is obeying them instead. I am like a passenger of my own mind, I don’t drive my own mind, and this is really bad! Even though this could be something I agreed with. Also my memory is very bad, as if my memory is blank most of the time. So that these people who generate thoughts on my mind can have total control over my thinking process. This makes me think of the science fiction television series Star Trek, that there are people who are being beamed up into my consciousness and who then can frustrate my thinking process. This gets me so angry, that I shout: “Set me free, Jesus!” Because these people who have control over my mind are only using Jesus for their own purpose, so that these people can keep on playing God.

Aljo_

I’ve come to realize – after my fall last Wednesday – that the Netherlands government is denying me my freedom, that they refuse to give me my freedom and good health back because they kind of like it how I am unable to care for myself. My need for assistance gives them a sense of power and control. I hate The Netherlands for this. I am no longer interested in living in The Netherlands but that the Dutch detain me which is very wrong. These people are only acting out their frustrations on me. Of course it makes perfect sense that the government is never going to set me free after all they made me go through during the past 20 years, and how it makes me feel. Setting me free would mean surrender and these people have got no other people who can hold them accountable for what they are doing to me.

Aljo_

About an hour ago I was walking outside, when I misplaced my foot and fell. I tore my jeans. I fall relatively easily due to my weak leg muscles which are making me unable to correct my balance when I am slightly off balance. So when the surface on which I am walking is a little bit uneven that I tend to stumble really easily. I am so convinced that my weak leg muscles were deliberately done to me, because the Netherlands government is denying me a relationship with another woman than they had selected for me. But that the Dutch would only have let me be with this woman if I were religious enough, which I wasn’t. I feel like a detainee, while I didn’t do anything to justify this happening to me. This is just the Netherlands government acting out their frustrations on me.

Aljo_

I am realizing that the Netherlands government is trying to create strong women who will have a husband and children. My problem is that I am weak, due to all these health problems I have, and that I am being denied a wife or even children. That the government thinks it is a sign of strength beating me up. How Dutch girls are so lonely, which makes perfect sense because all they do is reject guys who are in love with them and give away love they are offered. Dutch girls have an attitude about that they decide themselves who they fall in love with, like: “I don’t care that you are in love with me, I decide myself whom I am in love with.” How most Dutch girls probably have an ex, because they want to be in control of their love lives – which makes sense – so when they have to make a decision about whom they will start a relationship with that they will most likely opt for the most wealthy guy. How Dutch women need to be tamed, something a Dutch female radio presenter came up with. But that the government treats Dutch males like morons because they feel that guys don’t deserve these girls, because Dutch girls should be innocent and religious. How me being an angel got me quite a bit of attention, but being a servant I couldn’t look after my own interests, because I was made to serve the common good. And then I got this rider and was kept away from girls I would have liked. So my love life was totally impossible because of the government and my inability to go after my own interests. How in 1988 I said on local radio that I wasn’t interested in Dutch females because I wanted to be with an American woman, which was my honest opinion but kind of stupid to say on air. I am only getting older and my chronic health conditions make me in need of care so that Dutch couples can feel what it is like to care for someone. To me this is a government sponsored crime. How strong women have children and that I only reveal the ‘weak-spots’ of Dutch women so I won’t be granted any children. I sure would like to live in some other country than The Netherlands.

Aljo_

PS, How males who are already married tell me I need to respect women. Even though I am supposed to be in love, and when you are in love with someone that you respect that person, and don’t care about others. In other words these males tell me to care for my second choices.

It is becoming clear to me that my chronic health conditions – I’ve got three – cannot be attributed to bad luck, which I no longer believed anyway. Instead the Dutch government deliberately made sure that I would no longer be able to go outside by myself! But not for what I did, but because of what they feared me to do. I no longer identify myself with the Netherlands, because I was denied a love life and I was kicked off university. Even though all this was over 20 years ago, the reason why the Dutch took my good health and freedom was because they couldn’t deal with the fact that President Reagan wanted to become friends with me. That the Dutch made me choose between my Dutch love interest and being friends with the Americans. Even though I reckon the Dutch would never have let me complete a Masters Degree in university anyway so the easiest solution for them was to deny me to study. The point was they needed a reason why I could no longer study so they told me I was delusional. Thinking back to when I was delusional I realize that these delusional thoughts were in fact planted on my brain by the people who didn’t want me to be friends with the local Americans. Sooner or later I would find out the truth. So a mental condition alone would not have been enough to restrain me, so these people decided I needed a heart condition too. The Dutch government expected me to become lonely and in need of female companionship, that this way they could defeat me. After I dropped out of university I got to know several American military women, this changed me, I no longer was interested in Dutch female university students because I never got to know a single female student. This didn’t work for the Dutch. So the Dutch gave me a third chronic condition to deny me basic freedom. That I am being treated as a convict by the Dutch authorities. All this comes down to how the Dutch totally ruined my life and cannot accept defeat so they socially isolate me and deny me my independence to care for myself. That my pacemaker renders me unable to fly, so that I couldn’t move to Australia or to the USA. How Dutch finance minister Wouter Bos recently referred to my 48th birthday, to hurt my morale that I would comply with Dutch demands. While I feel so good listening to English language radio, that I know for sure that my future isn’t in The Netherlands and that my powerful foreign friends will have to tell the Dutch government to set me free. Nobody is above the law, and nobody had the right to hurt me this badly. I rest my case.

Aljo_

PS, The ‘Sexy Bitch’ American rapper Akon raps about refers to a woman you really like mutually with a sexual relationship, but whom is envied to you by others and thus is referred to as a bitch…

How the Dutch made me ugly because they wanted to force me into an underdog position, which would not have been credible if I had remained beautiful. This is a form of stigmatizing. That the Dutch wanted me to fall in love with pretty girls because that would be more convenient for them where rejection was concerned. That when you are looking really good and ask a girl who isn’t very pretty out, that she wouldn’t say no. I once asked an American female lieutenant out, we went to the cinema. But that after the movie was over she wanted to go home, alone. While Kelly Clarkson sings: “My life would suck without you.” Still this was my only one on one date ever, and I had a good time, that she was a woman I could relate to. The previous Dutch Under Secretary of Defense was Mr Van der Knaap, he held this job for a long time, maybe some 10 years. Now a ‘knaap’ is a Dutch word meaning ‘male virgin’. So on the one hand it was an honor that there was a reference to me in the Dutch administration, but that nobody wants a reputation as a male virgin and that I wasn’t too interested in the Dutch Department of Defense, looking for my luck elsewhere. I simply know so much more about the American military, even though there is much more to know about the American Department of Defense compared to its Dutch counterpart. I wouldn’t be able to name a single Dutch army division, while I know several American army divisions. Like the First Armored Division ‘Hell on Wheels’, the First Cavalry Division and the First Infantry Division ‘Big Red One’. Because of this I will probably never have any children. That the Dutch sabotaged my love life because I was interested in the US Military. I feel at home with the Americans as if I were a military dependent, like a military spouse. And all this only happened because the Dutch denied me interaction with Dutch girls since I was age 15, but then on the other hand, had I not felt so good with the local Americans, I would probably not have shed my Dutch identity and have been with a Dutch woman. Not that I think this is the truth, when I was 14 years old, I was in a church youth club and that an older woman who was organizing this was one time talking to me about this boy she knew who was a homosexual, even though he didn’t want to be gay. Years later I realized she was probably referring to me. That the Dutch had decided long before anything happened which could be held against me, that I would not have a relationship in my teens or twenties, with a Dutch woman. This is a stigma and I no longer care too much for The Netherlands.

Aljo_