Aljo-Log

Archive for May, 2008

David Wilcox – Downtown Came Uptown
Loverboy – Working For The Weekend
Queens Of The Stone Age – Make It Wit Chu
The Killers – Somebody Told Me
Motley Crue – Saints Of Los Angeles

It is so clear to me that ‘freedom of thought’ is being denied to me. That my learning process has been disturbed, that I cannot remember what I learn and cannot apply what I have learned because certain people who can envy me this. It makes me so hateful. I am unfit for work but that the Dutch authorities won’t give me my freedom to do with my time what I would want myself. Due to my pacemaker I am no longer free to go outside, that my freedom of movement is also being denied to me. I am like an inmate in a detention center! I cannot understand what the use of this is, but I am having a hard time believing this is only done to me because the Dutch don’t like me. It is so frustrating when someone else is starting to use my brain to generate thoughts. That my thoughts are no longer my own. When this happens I start to curse. But not your ordinary swearwords. No, I say things someone else wants to say, like: “Set me free Jesus.”, or “God Almighty!” or “Jesus Messiah”. I would never say these words. While I was typing this message someone made me press the sleep button on my  keyboard so my PC went asleep and I had to wake it up again! I am so angry that my freedom of thought is denied to me, this has been going on since 1992! I no longer accept it.

Aljo_

Here is a new very funny animation by Peter Nicholson cartoonist for The Australian.

Aljo_

Vanessa Amorosi – Perfect
Ting Tings – That’s Not My Name
Taylor Swift – Our Song
Colin James – Chicks ‘N Cars (And The Third World War)
Trooper – The Boys In The Bright White Sports Car

Well, this is posting number 400 since I started this weblog almost two years ago. I find this weblog a lot of fun, even though it is sometimes hard to find new issues to write about. If I wouldn’t think of it, I would write all my postings about health related issues, which might become boring. I wouldn’t know if there are many people reading this, it seems as if my forum is much more popular. While personally I find this weblog much more interesting. I had to stop people from adding comments to this weblog because I had accumulated 2,000 messages and only 5 of those were about my texts. Writing this blog is ‘Therapeutic Writing’ that it helps me blow off steam over frustrations I encounter. But then it is satisfying to share your message with other people.

Aljo_

I cannot use my mind for programming; I think this is because the people who control me won’t let me use my mind for academic activities. The way they deny me my concentration probably has to do with sexual intercourse. That in the back of my mind there is someone who is in desperate need of sex and that this way my mind refuses to concentrate on anything other than ‘sex’. I am so angry that I couldn’t even read a book if I wanted to, this is freedom which is being denied to me! Who has the right to take my freedom of thought away from me? And to whom do I turn to make sure I get it back again? For many years the Netherlands government didn’t give a damn, they could have fixed this years ago, but that it was easier for them to just let certain people keep on doing this to me.

Aljo_

The following is something which happens to me a lot lately. For instance I was cooking and a saucepan on the stove was red hot, but I wanted to take it off the stove to put its contents onto a plate. Aljo thought “this is hot, I cannot touch this I need an oven glove”. But then my own free will was over ruled by someone else and I picked up this boiling hot saucepan with my bare hands. So I hurt myself. Only because there are people who are able to control my thinking and motion processes. This gets me so mad, I mean I have been treated as a mental patient for over 20 years, and that it is becoming clearer and clearer to me that my mental condition is not an illness at all. But that shrinks would never go along with this train of thought. Who can I turn to to get myself out of this mess?

Aljo_

I figure one of the reasons why I have a pacemaker now is because the Dutch government wanted to  make sure that I could never leave The Netherlands anymore not even for a vacation. The reason why they took this drastic measure probably has to do with the fact that I was no longer interested in this country, I no longer felt at home here and wanted to immigrate to Australia. Dutch pride couldn’t cope with this, so these people took my freedom to leave away from me. I find this very unfair. I mean the Dutch made sure I could not live my life the way I wanted to (because I quit going to church after age 18), this was the reason why I wanted to leave and that I find that no one can deny me the freedom to leave. But of course a government is above the law and can do anything it considers appropriate. There should be people who should tell the Dutch government not to act out its frustrations on me. I feel I was kicked off university and was turned into a mental and a heart patient only because the Dutch government needed this, that it was of use to them, and I hate them for it!

Aljo_

Lately I am convinced there must be people who control me using telepathy. It is not telepathy as a telephone conversation where you talk brain to brain. It is more like as if someone died and that the deceased soul is taking over the mind and body of someone else. I truly believe that there are one or more people looking through my eyes and overruling my thoughts and motions. That these people in my head see different things than me when I look at for instance the monitor of my computer. This telepathy is rendering my life impossible, most time of the day I am not free to use my mind for which I would like to use it. Because these souls that possess me won’t let me think academically. This is really frustrating and it has been going on for over 10 years. I don’t think the Dutch are doing this to me, but the Dutch do know who are doing this to me and that they aren’t doing anything to make it stop. Randy Travis sings in one of his songs: “Lock me in your velvet cell and throw away the key.” My body is acting as if my own free will was in fact locked out. That my own will is no longer boss of my body and mind. Try explaining this to a shrink. A psychiatrist studied about 14 years to be qualified to assess people’s conditions. But that any Doctor will not admit it when he or she determines that someone’s health condition probably is the result of some crime. Is a psychiatrist going to consider telepathy as a possible cause for your symptoms? No, he or she won’t. So why would I need a shrink if he can’t even deal with the truth? This is creepy now isn’t it? No wonder nobody wants to deal with this mess. I am not free, the Dutch aren’t going to give me what I want and leaving the country is impossible. It seems inevitable that my life is going to hell.

Aljo_

It has been almost a year since I moved into my own apartment. It feels like four months. I feel like that Kylie Minogue song: ‘Traveling Light Years’. Nothing is happening in my life. This feels like how if I had had a child that I would see it grow. But that I don’t have a child, I am aging alone! I even feel that the Netherlands government is making me age on purpose because they don’t allow me to live my life the way I would want it, myself. It feels as if I am doing time. It has been 10 years since I got my pacemaker, and that I feel as if the Dutch government confiscated 10 years of my life. Probably because I wasn’t religious and that the only way for me to be allowed to start a family is if I were a devout Christian. Which I am not. I sure wish I could leave for Australia to stay there for the rest of my life. The Dutch envy me my life, that´s the case I am sure. And I have to accept it. Bastards!

Aljo_