Aljo-Log

Archive for September, 2009

I have problems concentrating, how when I am reading a text that I cannot remember what I read three sentences before. For instance when I am trying to read a book about programming that it makes my head hurt. So most of the time I pass up the opportunity to read about programming, even though I have got plenty of time. I cannot store the knowledge from a textbook in my brain. I figure this is deliberate. I think if I would start a relationship with a woman the Dutch authorities would approve of that then I would be able to read and do some programming again. I feel the reason why the Dutch deliberately deny me my freedom of thought is because they are trying to change society, and that I am the means for them to do so. My shrink who decided in the early 1990s that my academic thinking ability should be disabled, must have realized that this was really serious, cruel punishment which couldn’t be justified. This is why I no longer feel at home in The Netherlands. I dreamt about a flight simulation game last night it featured fighter jets from the 1950s and 1960s. I think about what I could have done with my mind over the past 20 years if I only had been free to use my brain for what I would have wanted to and could have done myself, but that this was denied to me, and I am really upset about it.

Aljo_

The first time I fell in love I was 4 years old. Yet the first time when I fell in love with a blond girl I was 15 years old. I remember how when I was 16 years old that I was in love with a brunette, the prettiest girl of my year in high school. Only a few years ago I realized that she was in love with me too. Anyway this other blond girl with whom I fell in love in the fourth grade in high school rejected me three times in three years, and that in retrospect I realize that I must have been brainwashed to no longer fall in love with a female with other than blond hair. While the whole point where this blond hair stuff was concerned was that I would never be granted a blond partner. So my relational situation was pretty messed up and hopeless. Only recently I realized that this was deliberately done to me by the Netherlands government. How I honestly thought that I was mutually in love with this blond girl in this shop in 1994. That I knew it would mean baldness. That years later the shrink who made me bald was blond and that his daughter was similar to the girl I was in love with and whom was denied to me. That I was at the time in the menstrual period of this dark haired woman but that I wasn’t in love with her like I loved girl 1994. I couldn’t have changed my mind and have switched from girl 1994 to period woman, because the people who controlled me made sure that me and this period woman would never be toe to toe and in control of ourselves. That this situation where there was an invisible wall between us was only needed to take my hair. I remember my first American love who was very similar to this period woman but that I cannot image the Dutch letting me actually marry me an American/Dutch woman. I remember how much it hurt when this American woman told and lied to me that she was married. On German television there was a man called Fidel Helm. How ‘fidel’ means loyal and ‘helm’ means helmet. That the Dutch wanted to destroy my image because they figured I wouldn’t be loyal to them. And they were right, indeed I am not loyal. I no longer associate myself with The Netherlands, even though I need certain aspects of the Dutch and the Dutch need certain aspects of me. How most Dutch radio personalities have known all along about me and girl 1994 and that none of them would be favorable of me being with her, that they were only hoping that I would keep on rejecting period woman over girl 1994 and go completely bald. I am almost 44 years old, women are not the least interested in me anymore. I am looking abroad for female companionship, how I enjoy female radio personalities from Canada and Australia. Like that song by The Tragically Hip – ’38 years old never kissed a girl’. How after age 15 all girls had been removed from my school. And that the Dutch stated when I was 17 years old that I would not be with a female before age 32. So I started looking for women elsewhere but that the Dutch government gave me a heart condition to be sure that I wouldn’t succeed in finding me a foreign alternative for a partner. My whole relational situation is an ugly situation, and that my health is so bad that I cannot even go outside by myself anymore. But if I could it still wouldn’t have made a difference because the Dutch authorities monitor all women within a mile radius of my place. With my age, physical situation and looks I would probably be unable to start a family because my life was sanctioned after age 21, that I didn’t stand a chance to be with any woman I would meet, because the Dutch government denied me this. So it would be obvious how I feel about The Netherlands. Being in love with women you cannot get, so I listen to English language radio presented by women who love my attention.

Aljo_

Being a politician isn’t easy, no matter what office you were elected into, you need to have an opinion – the right opinion – about lots of different subjects. And since most politicians would want to be reelected they have to consider if the decisions they make will or won’t get them reelected. In The Netherlands there is in office Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende and Finance Minister Wouter Bos. Last year Wouter Bos was elected ‘Politician of the Year’. Most Dutch politicians have university degrees. The Netherlands would be like the German State of North Rhine Westphalia, but that in Germany you also have the federal government. How I reckon in Germany only the best state politicians make it into the federal parliament. The point is that I feel that because the politicians in Berlin are so smart that they better understand the arguments in a discussion about a new law or something. Also because there are only five different political parties you almost never have to memorize more than 5 different opinions, which is a lot less complicated than in The Netherlands where you might have 10 different opinions. Bundeskanzlerin Angela Merkel has a PhD in Physics so she is good at math and she has really excellent political situational awareness. Where Vice Kanzler Frank-Walter Steinmeier has a PhD in Law, and that it is his skill to write plans or concepts for laws or policies. How he wrote the election program for his socialist party by himself. So the Merkel Steinmeier team was effective because their personal  abilities complemented each other. Chancellor Merkel the beta and Vice Chancellor Steinmeier the alpha. How in the first Merkel cabinet there were former Prime Ministers of states, to give you an idea as to how elite the German Federal Cabinet really is. The German federal minister for economic affairs is under age 40 and nobility, people really appreciate him and that he was simply born to be a minister in Berlin. That German politics are really chivalrous and socially friendly. Which makes it a lot of fun. That German people in general accept their situation because they realize that their politicians are capable and the best deal they can get. For instance the ‘minimum wage’ debate. That in Germany they don’t have a minimum wage for everybody in a law. That the people who do have a minimum wage get this through their collective bargaining agreement. Because – as Bundeskanzlerin Merkel said – if everybody would have by law the right to get 7.50 Euro per hour that it would hurt the export capability of Germany and since export is very important to the German economy, there is no law in Germany to guarantee all workers a minimum wage. This is almost an American situation. That there are more similarities between economic situations in Germany and the USA. There are people in Germany who earn less than they would feel entitled to, they should be able to provide for themselves and their families, and due to their low income they strengthen Germany’s exporting potential. As you can  imagine there are lots of rules and customs in Germany which are the way they are for reasons which make perfect sense. And that in Germany there is a clear difference in opinions between left wing and right wing political parties. How both sides have their pros and cons. And that it simply isn’t possible to categorically say that either the left wing or the right wing concept is the better. Like a swimming contest, the different types of disciplines in swimming all have in common that the goal is to be the fastest to make 50 meters or 100 meters. Is butterfly better than crawl? Butterfly might be nicer to look at where crawl is faster. The same principal is true for German left wing or right wing political doctrine. Most people can only gamble which wing is best to vote into office, so German political parties tend to go for voters in the center who aren’t left wing or right wing. These people should vote for Angela Merkel because she is the person for the voters who are in the center and because her political party is a ‘people’s party’. My advice for the German voters is, that if you aren’t sure whom to vote for, vote for Angela Merkel.

Aljo_

Next Sunday there will be Parliamentary Elections in Germany. It is going to be a really tight race where possible coalitions are concerned, and that I hope that the German people will realize the importance of these elections and go out and vote! With the new Left Party which is of a significant size with about 10%  of the votes that the whole game of how coalitions used to be built in Germany has changed. With five different political parties in the Bundestag it has become less likely that there will be a majority for just two parties together. I have been following German politics since 1998, and that I simply wouldn’t know what the Liberal Party in power would be like, but that it would be worth to give it a try. Chancellor Angela Merkel is a capable politician, leader and a woman, so voting for her would always be a good idea. I think the old government with Socialists and Christian Democrats was a success because the ministers in this cabinet wanted to do a good job and that the capable leadership of Bundeskanzlerin Angela Merkel was also the reason for the success of this so called ‘Large Coalition’. Even though most German politicians don’t prefer such a coalition. Still what I notice is that the political debate in Germany is much easier to understand compared to Dutch politics because where Germany has about 5 different political parties in parliament, in The Netherlands there are maybe as many as 10. In Germany they held 17 elections this year: elections for state governments, city councils, European parliament, and now the parliamentary elections. Still elections are exciting, fun, inspiring, important, and so on. The German people should consider this like a national game to celebrate their democracy.

Aljo_

PS, This picture is the logo of ZDF election coverage for this election year. Wahl means ‘choice’ in German and sounds like the English word Whale. 

In 1994 I fell in love, I thought it was mutual. In retrospect I realize that the Dutch didn’t allow me to be with her, but that I didn’t know this. So I was only thinking of this girl for years, when I finally sent her a Valentine in 1999. She replied she was with someone else. While people knew all along I was in love with her. The Dutch authorities found this girl too pretty for me and that she wasn’t an academic. So in 2000 or so, I was introduced to another woman who was an academic, and that the authorities actually expected that I – totally lacking a love life and female companionship – would go for her right away. But I didn’t. Now almost 10 years later I figure that the Dutch planned me to be rejected by my first choice and that they would only let me be with the academic woman if I were really religious. But I wasn’t so the Dutch wouldn’t let me be with the academic woman either. And in the meantime I became really unattractive because of the situation I was in, and that again I figure the Dutch deliberately wanted me unattractive! I hate The Netherlands. How on Dutch radio a commercial suggested I could have had sex while in university, at the time this was the last thing the government wanted, or would have granted me! In university I got to see only three different female students (on a day to day basis) and that these women were really unattractive. The Dutch government is realizing that they were stupid to deny me a love life. And I am realizing that I am a military dependent / spouse of an American military woman. I wouldn’t know anything else. And how the Dutch deliberately caused my hair loss to stop me from befriending any (foreign) woman they wouldn’t approve of. No matter what I would have done where relationships were concerned, the government wouldn’t have approved of it. It was an inconvenient truth to them that I needed a love life. 

Aljo_

I want to read a book about computer programming, but that as soon as I open such a book to read that after reading three sentences that my brain starts to ache. That it is too much effort for me mentally. I think there are people – like my rider – who deny me to read books and use my brain intellectually. How the Dutch realized that I truly have a rider, and that they wanted to control my thinking process remotely too, instead of letting me think according to my own free will (setting me free). I hate The Netherlands. When I view a TV drama series that I cannot remember the faces of the actors and actresses that if some character hasn’t been on the screen for 5 minutes that I no longer know who I am dealing with. This is really serious! Also in real life I have a problem with remembering faces and names, as if certain people erase this information from my brain. Try explaining this to a shrink. Would this be because they made me take an overdose of the medication I am taking for 10 years or because I once fell hard on the back of my head? The Dutch government envies me my freedom they could have prevented my pacemaker and weak legs but they wanted this. The Netherlands no longer is my country.

Aljo_

There are people who control my consciousness and who can make me do things I have absolutely no control over. That these people can direct my thinking process in such a way that I myself don’t even notice. It is as if my brain goes into dreaming mode and that then these people can generate thoughts on my brain which I would think in the situation they manipulate me into. But that this is really a controlled delusion. Ever since shrinks diagnosed me with a mental disorder I have always wondered if my symptoms weren’t really only a simulation of a mental disorder. I cannot interact with traffic, if a car comes from the right and has the right of way, that my brain doesn’t obey me and lets me stop. This isn’t a symptom of some mental disorder! This is a controlled delusion. That there are people who deny me to think freely. This gets me upset, because this has been going on for a long time. Not that the pay is bad, my life isn’t normal. I should have started a family 15 years ago, but that the people who controlled me really didn’t want me to have a love life. How the Dutch are realizing that my true loves are American military women and that this is only due to their own policies. These Dutch authorities socially isolated me for decades. And now I have realized there are places in the world other than The Netherlands where I would feel at home. Not that with my pacemaker I would have a chance to live anywhere else, this is similar to how they used to treat slaves in America who were caught trying to flee into freedom. How people asked me if I were afraid, that I thought, “I am not afraid, I worry.” Worries that my weak legs will stay this weak forever effectively denying me my freedom and self determination of my own fate. Isn’t freedom an illusion? I will never be an able bodied adult, because the authorities had other plans with me. I am an old man at age 43, this was all planned to be this way. Maybe the Dutch had expected me to want to return to the Netherlands, while it wasn’t even on my mind. That this is the reason why I have weak legs too now, because I am not really Dutch in the way I understand my situation and what I expect from my life. How I am bald now and that it conveys the message ‘ex’. While first of all I never was in a mutually agreed relationship ever, so I don’t have an ex. I did however want a love life like any other human being. This sexual energy was used to make me fall very much in love with a girl in high school who rejected me three times in three years, so I gave up on her while this sexual energy enabled certain people to take my scalp. Relationships have got nothing to do with my baldness. My baldness was done to me by Dutch authorities who wanted to bully me. Which turned out to be like scoring in their own goal. My main problem is: how am I ever going to live a normal life? My mental disorder isn’t the problem, my pacemaker situation could be satisfactory but my weak legs are a major problem. As I am sitting behind my computer typing this I feel my legs as if they are itching, there were times that my legs hurt so much that I called a Medical Doctor, who told me it probably wasn’t anything serious. How in Dutch they use the expression ‘standing on your own legs’ meaning that you make your own decisions, while I am not even sure that I do my own thinking. My weak legs effectively force me to act according to someone else’s will, that it is used to oppress me, and that this was deliberately done to me by people who don’t allow me to have control over my own fate. This gets me really angry. I have no future because the government wants me in this situation which is incompatible with me living a normal life. And all this probably got to be this way because certain Dutch people – with power – wanted to proof a point. Like how these people thought America didn’t have any culture. And that showing any interest in America would mean a denial of a Dutch love interest. Because this is what happened here. I never was with a Dutch female because the American military was like a kid in a candy factory to me. I could have married me an American woman, but I was a mental patient, so there was nowhere we could go, no matter how much in love we were. The Netherlands would never have gotten me back, which was something they couldn’t accept so they made my health much worse. Love is just a chemical in the brain and so is the cause for a delusion.

Aljo_

I could have gotten married today, if my physical and mental state had been better. I am too old now but if I had been under age 30 I surely would have been able to find me a bride. I remember how between 1999 and 2001 I went on photo shoots to Dutch city centers by train and that I regularly got to see brides and grooms posing in front of the local historic town hall. One time I was in Vlaardingen and that these newly weds were moved in a carriage drawn by some four horses. Nice weather on your wedding day is a blessing. And I would only go make photos if the weather was good. Getting married is something everyone should try at least once in his or her lifetime.

Aljo_

Last week it was suggested to me that if I hadn’t tuned into the American Forces Network Europe while I studied at Utrecht University that I would not have dropped out of university. This is the Dutch authority claiming responsibility for my dropping out of university in December of 1986. Still this makes me think about how the Uk pop band The Culture Club used to have a hit song with “In the church of the poisoned mind”. Wouldn’t the Dutch have turned me into a mental patient anyway because I no longer attended church? How since 1983 people associated me with black clothes, which was nice but of no use to me. That because so many people in The Netherlands used to wear black because of me, that the Dutch authorities couldn’t accept me no longer being interested in these women and becoming friends with American military women instead. The Dutch claimed responsibility for my pacemaker which they have done to me because I no longer cared for these Dutch females, while these females used to wear black for me all the time. Still the Dutch made sure that I wouldn’t be able to interact romantically with any Dutch woman at all in the first place! At some point in time I got the impression that these women wanted to get paid for wearing black. For a long time I thought these black clothes were my idea, but it can’t have been all because of me, there must have been Dutch radio and TV shows which stimulated these people to wear black. Still a female who would be interested in a relationship with me for real would not wear black. And because the Dutch figured they could pin this on me, I now have a pacemaker.

Aljo_

PS, I am glad that the Netherlands government finally made it clear as to what happened here and why I now have these chronic health conditions. This sure must have required courage on the part of the government. Thank you.

Wir fördern Mittelstand und Unternehmertum. Wir wollen für einen sicheren Kapitalzugang für den Mittelstand sorgen. Für Existenzgründerinnen und Existenzgründer werden wir flächendeckend neue Anlaufstellen in Form eines One-Stop-Shops schaffen und ihnen den Zugang zu Wagniskapital erleichtern. Das Modell des High-Tech-Gründerfonds wollen wir stärken und ausdehnen.

I got a copy of the concept policy statement of the SPD (The German Social Democratic Party). I found this paragraph of the plan, which is 44 pages in total, interesting, because it clearly says that the SPD too will support people who take economic risks by starting their own small businesses. As it says here, it is very similar to the motivation of the stereotypical voters who were assumed to vote for Liberals and Christian Democrats in Germany. You can be an entrepreneur and vote Social Democratic at the same time in Germany! Of course it makes perfect sense that if you lose your job because of the global economic crisis that starting your own business could be easier than finding a new job. So that you create your own job, and might even be able to hire more people if your business is successful. But that all this may require the need for a loan to start your business, and that banks might deny you such a loan, where the German government has a special fund which will assist you financially with a business loan.

Aljo_