Aljo-Log

Archive for October, 2009

It is so clear to me that there are people who control my thinking process. And that there are people who can derail my personally generated thoughts by simply saying something to me, which distracts me. I am so angry, because this isn’t just my mental condition, these are a heart and muscle disorder too. I could have gotten one condition by chance, the other two were deliberately done to me. How I am almost 44 years old and never kissed a girl, and that the past 10 years were only used to make me age while (younger) women could have children. All this has to do with the scapegoat effect the Netherlands government  wants me to experience. That my misery is only needed to stimulate others to start families. I cannot work for a living but that the Dutch deny me my freedom resulting in me not even being able to read a computer magazine. This is my rider breaking my concentration, this must be someone Dutch. That first the Dutch deliberately destroyed my health and then hurt me by making me unable to do with my life what I still could or would be able to do. If my mind were free, I would be able to program, but that the Dutch want me to work with my hands. While I couldn’t even sweep the street because of my muscle condition. I am in the category of 80%-100% unfit for work, but that I have connections abroad to make something of my life. My life would be like one long vacation and this is something the Dutch deny me. While I couldn’t even pick up mail from the ground without severe pain and cramp in my legs. This must have been done to me because the Dutch government denies me the freedom to have fun like go on photo shoots, because the Dutch want me to be nobody special. I have become a piece of trash, only because the Dutch deliberately turned me into a piece of trash. That the Dutch government wants to be the boss of all things Dutch and valuable. While I was being hired by German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder and that this must have set off the locals when they discovered this. Or how I am dating Madonna, while Dutch females were always being kept away from me. Probably because I could do better than any female partner the Dutch would have granted me. How I got to know Nina from Canada and that I like her so much. While she isn’t pretty like a model, but she is so much fun. If I had been healthy I would have started a relationship with a North American woman something the Dutch government wanted to stop from happening at all cost. All those decades when the government manipulated all women in my area to reject me, that I have developed a dislike for Dutch women. But that now I have become very unattractive myself so Dutch women wouldn’t be interested in me anymore anyway. My whole personal history is full of signs of manipulation of my ‘peer group’, denial of freedom and denial of having ‘normal’ friends. Because for the past 25 years the Netherlands government has been on my case by making people gossip about me. So no girl would want to be next to me in this situation where your every move is being talked about on television. Of course it is flattering that people talk about me, but that it is totally useless for me, because the Dutch government didn’t want me to benefit from my fame, so why would I want to be famous? The Dutch stole my time and ruined my life, and that they didn’t and don’t have the right to do this to me. The government can get away with anything, freedom of thought is a human right, while I am a mental patient so this right doesn’t apply to me. That if I were free to think that I would  become delusional or would start to think and do things the government wouldn’t approve of. The Dutch deliberately turned me into a mental patient. That it seems like my delusional thoughts aren’t my own, but planted on my mind by someone who wants me to be a mental patient. I rest my case…

Aljo_

I feel my total lack of freedom of thought is a sanction by the Netherlands government for something I do or don’t do. These people envy me my freedom to think! While freedom of thought is a human right! That when I am thinking about programming that there is someone – whom I call my rider – who breaks my concentration. Maybe because I am working with American products? This gets me really upset that people deny me my freedom of thought because they can, they don’t have the right! If I could I would immigrate to Australia and this would be legal too!

Aljo_

PS, The Dutch want to be my boss, while I am more American or German oriented.

There is this comedy show on the German Number 2 Network (ZDF), it is called: “Neues aus der Anstalt”. Which translated into English means: ‘news from the mental institution’. I viewed it for several minutes on several occasions but I don’t really understand the jokes, even though I can tell they are really funny. I also like to listen to Eins Live (WDR1) from Cologne, Germany, and they also have comedy features on their radio station, which are only a few minutes in duration and which are easier to understand. Still the German language is a challenge, and that I remember how I learned English by listening to American military radio – which I didn’t understand at first either – but after years of effort I got to really understand the news and commentary. My current project learning to understand German is similar and I can tell I am making progress but that German is much more complicated as a language than English, that after completing college that I was already quite fluent in English, while I only got three years of German. Still this effort of continuously trying to add words to my vocabulary is working, that I try to talk to German actors in my mind. Like: “Oberkommissar Zimmermann, Sie haben diesen Fall richtig gelöst.” Unfortunately I don’t know if this is correct German, but I tried and that is what matters.

Aljo_

This illustration is really funny! How an economic refugee says to the Australian Prime Minister that he didn’t try to enter Australia illegally because of less strict enforcement by the current Australian government, but because of the sound economic policy by the current Australian government. How funny can you get?

Aljo_

My mind always feels as if it is in need of sleep, even if I just got out of bed. That when I open a book about programming that instantly my mind becomes drowsy and my head starts to hurt like a beginning head ache. Shrinks actually tell me that this is a symptom of my mental condition, something I refuse to believe, to me this seems more like how certain people deny me the freedom to think academically with my own mind. The only times I can concentrate is when I cannot sleep at night, but then I really need sleep! How in recent years I did code a program, mainly during sleepless nights and that when I completed my project that I couldn’t believe I had actually produced it. Not that it was too difficult but because I felt like I didn’t control my own thinking process. How my memory is getting worse by the day, that I cannot remember more than 3 sentences I just read and that sometimes my eyes read but that my mind refuses to take in the information. This is no symptom of mental illness! There are people denying me freedom of thought. People who want to use me as punishment. This has been going on since 1992, and that I can still remember the very moment when this situation started, when I lost control over my own consciousness. How these shrinks must have thought: “Computer science – game over!” So I am being bored every day all day, unable to use my mind for what I would want. These bastards who are doing this to me, cannot get away with this!

Aljo_

For over 10 years I have a heart condition, which makes me feel frightened when I am outside, therefore I never go outside alone. I think this condition was deliberately done to me, and only recently I realized why. I am single, and that there are lots of male and female singles, something the government doesn’t appreciate because these singles don’t have any children, children the government needs to keep the economy going. So it would be tempting to stimulate youths to start families or even punish people of over age 30 for not starting families. This is where my heart condition comes into play, that when I live with a single attitude that this makes my heart ache. While all my life females were kept at a distance from me. At age 15 all nice girls in my high school class had been replaced by female nerds. At age 17 I became an outcast because I didn’t go out to downtown bars. In university there were very few female students in the computer science department. My year had only 3 out of 45 students in total. While at this university there were in fact more female students than male students in total but not in the part of the university where I was. I studied 6 to 7 days per week and lived with my parents. I wasn’t a member of a student organization, and therefore I didn’t get to meet any other students socially. Now 20 years later it is so clear to me that the Netherlands government didn’t intend to educate me to be an autonomous educated adult able to deal with a ‘normal’ life. At age 22 I got a mental condition, I know, but this condition was also deliberately done to me. That I was the individual who needed to be sacrificed to save the species. How desperate can the government become? With all those bad kids. And parents who leave the church. It is along these lines that I explain my situation and why I think my life is so messed up as it is. I blame the Netherlands government, but this is like a civil war between those who want freedom and those who want culture, those who have not and those who have, the enemies of the government and the friends of the government. But knowing this I am really upset that my shrink actually had the nerves to prescribe me a medication against depression. Because I didn’t need this! This wasn’t relevant for my situation. Doctors start to act weird and lie when they cannot deal with the truth. For instance while on vacation in Australia in 1997 I suffered from scars on my retina because my eyes couldn’t cope with the intense Australian sunlight. So in 1998 I went to see an eye specialist, he looked at my eyes and told me he didn’t see anything abnormal. While I have a scar in my vision! Years later I learned that sunlight under ‘normal’ circumstances should never damage your eyes. So this eye Doctor couldn’t tell me what problem I have because he couldn’t explain it. Maybe my eyes have been poisoned. Because if I could enter Australia I would leave here tomorrow, and that the Dutch damaged my eyes to make me realize that they wouldn’t let me go. My life is going to hell no matter what I do or think, only because the Dutch refuse to set me free. I hope this text will provide some clarity.

Aljo_

Over the years I have been exposed to some five foreign cultures. For two reasons: 1) out of curiosity for new and better things, and 2) because I was an outcast in The Netherlands. I made it big time abroad that it still amazes me. I appreciate foreign radio and television better than Dutch radio and television. So if I can listen to for instance Canadian radio that I will do so, instead of listening to Dutch radio. Dutch television likes to go on and on about me, that everybody is talking about me, but that I don’t cooperate with this because I am not pleased with the quality of my life. Because the Dutch deny me my freedom and made my health impossible. So what is happening is that the Dutch want me to become Dutch again and not someone who lives like some expat. That the Dutch would try to brainwash me to become Dutch again. My life will never be normal again with my three chronic health concerns of which I wonder if I got them all by chance. It seems like someone with power over me doesn’t grant me a normal free life. And that I have to accept all this. I am 43 years of age and that I have the physical and mental condition of a very old man, this is all deliberate! Why was this done to me? Because I genuinely loved American culture, something the people in high school hadn’t expected, they thought I would turn into a lonely Dutch guy, while I am now a successful American! How the Dutch denied me a love life and that I now no longer think about Dutch females, I couldn’t be with someone I would like anyway. How I was rejected by this Dutch girl I adored in 1999 because she knew I wasn’t allowed to have any children. Denying someone to have any children is very serious punishment, and that the reasons why are only because I am no longer 100% Dutch and because my emotions of hurt are only needed to spur others to start families. The Dutch have no right to ruin my life! Punishing me for things I have got nothing to do with! I have genuinely legitimate reasons to apply for political asylum abroad, someone from The Netherlands applying for political asylum? This never happened before! “There is nothing wrong with the Netherlands!” is what they would say in Australia. “But these people are denying me freedom of thought because I would be thinking about America!” is what I would reply. What the Dutch did to me is something they shouldn’t get away with.

Aljo_

This is a funny cartoon by Australian artist Kudelka, it speaks for itself…

Aljo_