Aljo-Log

Between 1989 and 1991 I smoked one cigar per hour. This led to my teeth no longer being white and this led to my hair loss. I think there were people who controlled me and who wanted to destroy my physical health. I find that the people who are responsible for my smoking addiction need to be punished, even though to the Dutch government I am just a piece of trash and the people who made me addicted to cigars probably were shrinks and that the Dutch government wanted me to smoke because I was meeting Americans from the local Air Base with whom the Netherlands government didn’t want their people to mingle with. Maybe my pacemaker situation was caused by my smoking addiction, but that no cardiologist is going to admit this, to cover for the people – like my shrink – who did this to me.
Aljo_

Due to my pacemaker and weak legs I am no longer able to go outside by myself. Medical Doctors all are saying that this is all coincidental. I don’t agree one bit. The people who control me are denying me my freedom. Because I am a male. That the women whom I know, and who are in a similar situation as me, are all over town on their bicycles. While I can’t even walk to the next block and I can’t even ride a bicycle because I cannot interact with the traffic, because my thinking process isn’t free. This must be done to me by some shrink who is trying to re-educate me, probably to improve Dutch society. In Germany one out of four teenagers needs psychological treatment. So there must be a need to re-educate young people but my life is going to hell.
Aljo_

Yesterday I saw the Fernsehfilm der Woche on ZDF. It was titled ‘Duell in der Nacht’. It dealt with corruption in the police force in Frankfurt am Main. The film didn’t have a happy end, and that I didn’t understand everything, but this has to do with my lack of concentration, not my lack of knowledge regarding the German language. Plots like these are always very complicated. One of the actresses is called Ina Weisse, and that I find her very attractive. She reminds me of my high school love. Here is her picture.
Aljo_

I am being held captive in The Netherlands, these people won’t even let me do my own thinking. I have decided that my future is in Australia, even though I wouldn’t know how I am ever going to make it to Australia physically. Also my pacemaker is a problem, but that they could give me an Australian pacemaker. The idea alone that there were people who deliberately caused my heart condition makes me feel that I am not safe in The Netherlands. I really no longer have any business with The Netherlands, this isn’t my home, and I hate it here. I would like to try living in Australia. Even though I am not able to work for a living, but that I generate revenue. The Dutch government and health care people are only trying to demolish me. I am thinking about Nessie my Australian girlfriend since 1999 and all the Dutch females the Dutch denied to me. In 1999 I met three Australian women on the Internet one of whom was Nessie and that within a few weeks it became clear that we were both in love with each other. I am sure Nessie will be waiting for me. I don’t know any Dutch women, and I don’t care. I want to be with Nessie in Tasmania. And this is where I see my future. Because the Dutch would never give me the opportunity to be in a mutual relationship with a Dutch female like I am in a relationship with Nessie. To the Dutch I am just a mental patient, because they are denying me a normal life, because they are using me to manipulate Dutch society. To be able to punish youths for doing things differently from what the government wants and approves of. I would be happy in Tasmania, while in the Netherlands I would always be wondering ‘Why am I here anyway?’.
Aljo_

PS, I am not trying to say that Nessie should have put her life on hold for me for a decade. I would probably never be living in Tasmania. But the fact alone that the Dixie Chicks refer to Nessie in one of their songs sure makes me realize that Nessie and me are compatible. So if we would have met in say 2000 that we could have been in a real relationship in Tasmania!

I am confronted everyday with the fact that I am not free to control my own thinking process. So I shout: “Set me free, Prime Minister Balkenende!” Or: “Let me go Jesus!” This might seem typical behavior for a mental patient. But that over time I have come to the conclusion that my mental condition isn’t an illness but that nobody is going to fix this for me. I am being used for some mission and my delusional thoughts are generated by people who want me to be delusional. My shouting is like screaming “Help!” before going under and drowning. I no longer believe The Netherlands government is going to set me free, even if they could. How the Dutch secret service is a laugh, because my pacemaker was most likely caused by me being poisoned. That as it was I should never have smoked ever and that stopping me from smoking meant a major concession on my behalf. That it cost me my sex drive. That the Dutch ended up taking away my freedom to generate my own thoughts to make sure I wouldn’t do anything the government didn’t want. How my concentration is too bad for reading a book or doing any programming. Because I am not allowed to do this by myself. And it is only getting worse, that now I am having difficulty understanding conversation on television or on radio because I cannot remember anything. This gets me really frustrated, knowing that nobody is going to address the truth about my situation. I am willing to do my part, but I have been a monkey since 1992 and this is taking too long. That dogs start to bark and howl when you leave them alone for too long, but that I am a human being. As a human being you want to think your own free thoughts and go outside and do things. But that the Dutch government is denying me this! With my controversial history being known as a lunatic or a clinic clown that no company is going to hire me. I figure should I ever become fit for work ever again that I want to start my own business. I don’t think about this too often because I really don’t believe I will ever be in good health ever again. I think my good health was deliberately taken away from me, and it is probably irreversible. Thinking back I realize that I noticed at age 10 that I had actually two thinking processes, my own thinking process and a thinking process of an older person who helped me becoming more intelligent. But that this situation was incompatible with a love life. So I had to postpone my love life indefinitely. Currently this second thinking process has become like the thinking process of someone with Alzheimer disease. That I am unable to think effectively because I have a dominant thinking process of someone who is really old. I am only able to think as if I were a senior citizen, which is even worse than being able to think with delusions. But that this Alzheimer situation isn’t an illness in my case, because Aljo is not suffering from Alzheimer! I am subjected to this by people who want to confront me with my inability to control my own destiny. How my failing health is only intended to make me feel that these people aren’t setting me free. I wonder who these people are, and I still have a Dutch passport so if there is anybody who should know the truth it is the Dutch Prime Minister. But that the Dutch government hates me for loving Australia, Canada and America more than The Netherlands so even if the Netherlands government could set me free, they wouldn’t be in a hurry
Aljo_

I started losing hair at age 26 and now almost 20 years later I am still losing hair. I have been thinking about why I have lost so much hair from the top of my head. Being a mental patient, that a shrink can control you because you trust him (or her) and because you are in need of help. I think one of my first shrinks had decided that I should go bald and that he probably had permission from the Netherlands government to take my hair, as a correctional activity. Now over 20 years later I realize that I have a rider who can control my thinking process and that maybe this rider is friends with my shrink that my shrink and my rider both had decided I should go bald. My American friends couldn’t stop them even though they must have tried. What I learned from this is that you should never trust a shrink. When you are a mental patient that you don’t have any ‘normal’ friends. I had a female shrink and thinking back I reckon she was only needed to find out how the people in the mental health care facility could take my last hair. Because the Americans wanted me to keep my hair and that the Netherlands government couldn’t accept that I would receive any favors from the US government. I no longer want to be in The Netherlands, but that I am no longer physically able to leave here. The Dutch must have realized that I had long decided that I wanted to leave the country for good and therefore they gave me a pacemaker and because I was no longer interested in Dutch women the people who controlled me also gave me a muscle disorder rendering my legs too weak to get back up after a fall. I hate The Netherlands for doing this to me. The Netherlands is no longer my home. I mean I have a girlfriend in Tasmania, we have been friends since 1999 and she told me our feelings are mutual. The Netherlands government simply doesn’t have the moral authority to effectively lock me up because they envy me my freedom!
Aljo_

The band The Script was number one in the American Top 40 for over a month with a song about how someone is falling to pieces, the title is ‘Breakeven’. My pacemaker, my weak legs and my baldness were deliberately done to me. I am only in the Netherlands because I am unable to leave. I care for totally different things than ordinary Dutch people. After the Dutch had kicked me off university, made me need a pacemaker and took away my hair, they wouldn’t treat me like a local hero anymore, because they consider me the enemy. Where my hair loss is concerned, that the women who took my hair did so deliberately and because they were able to, because the people who controlled me had manipulated me into such a position that these females could take my hair. In 1986 I was really in love with Kim an American military radio presenter. But that the Dutch didn’t allow me to be with an American woman so they hooked me up with Paula a Dutch university student who then started my hair loss. After Kim I fell in love with Beth another American military radio presenter. So then the Dutch hooked me up with a girl named E. about whom I thought we were in a mutual relationship but that the Dutch only wanted to punish me for falling in love with Beth. When I remained true to this girl that the Dutch went to great lengths to destroy me. How I was made bald almost completely because I was following my heart and couldn’t decide to start a relationship with C. who was a psychology student at the time and that I never expected to ever study again so I cannot understand why she wanted me to begin with. Studying is only needed by the government to control you and buy your loyalty. Just like why I couldn’t understand why girl E. didn’t want me, because we were really in love, but then she was only a working girl.  After I had dreamt I was stabbed over her, I no longer dared to visit her shop. Looking back I feel this is all manipulation of my life by the Dutch government. This is the reason why I stopped viewing Dutch television almost completely some 7 years ago, in order to not being susceptible to Dutch manipulation. Dutch television is all over me because I sell, but they won’t let me be popular and I am no longer interested in The Netherlands. These people destroyed my life because I was too big for The Netherlands.
Aljo_

I am not able to think freely because certain people control my consciousness. The reason why they are doing this to me is because they want me to believe in Jesus and in God. Of course if these people are able to block my thinking process without me even knowing who they are, that this is proof that there is a higher power which controls the destiny of the Human Race. These people who are ruining my life – only because they want me to be a believer – are surely placing a lot of importance on the fact that there actually is a God. My love life too was sacrificed because people didn’t believe.  I got to meet women I liked but that I had to be religious to even stand a chance of being with one of them and that the people who control me weren’t convinced of my religious motivation. Try explaining to a shrink that someone else is controlling your consciousness. He will never believe you even if he knows the people who are doing this to you! I don’t need a shrink I need a lawyer and a private investigator. I need a PI for finding out who is responsible for denying me control over my own thinking process and then I need a lawyer to sue these people for setting me free and paying me compensation. If the Netherlands government is really responsible for denying me freedom of thought that then this legal process could become a big fight. Because these Dutch politicians and civil servants who are ruining my life are never going to address the truth. The government is so big, how do you determine who is responsible for your little problem? All this is only because my generation quit going to church.
Aljo_

PS, How I am being bored to death, only to confront me with religion. That I have to think about Jesus and pray. Day after day, week after week, year after year, alone, doing nothing in my apartment. Only to turn me into a believer. This is crazy and wrong!

PPS, I feel how a shrink is re-educating me, this is a crime!

Last week there was a man on German television whose name was Fidel Helmer, I knew he existed but I cannot remember what organization he is a part of and why he was on the television news. If you were to translate this name into English it would literally be: ‘loyal helmet’. That I have been made bald because the Netherlands government didn’t want to let me go and move to some other country. That the Dutch made me bald because they wanted to be sure that I would be loyal. Not to mention the other even more famous Fidel, Cuba’s Fidel Castro. I think ‘castro’ translates into castrated. That the Netherlands government castrated me to make sure I would not leave. As you can understand the Netherlands government is obsessed with my freedom, that they made my life here almost totally impossible. Still it is their own fault because they made sure I would not have a love life, because I wasn’t part of a peer group, in fact I was teased away by Dutch radio and this is why I fell in love with an American woman and then got to the conclusion that America is a much more interesting country than The Netherlands. That when the Dutch realized they wouldn’t get me back, that they acted to make me loyal again. Even though having been made bald deliberately won’t make me love this place.
Aljo_

I notice how my memory is being destructed. I reckon the Netherlands government denies me to  learn the German language by viewing German television. That I listen very little Dutch radio. I identify myself with Americans and Germans. This made the Dutch government mad so they decided to erase the memories of my youth, of my American friends and of my foreign radio and television experiences from my mind. I am sure there are people who are deliberately doing this to me. Talking to a shrink won’t help, because if the government is trying to destroy my memory that he isn’t going to fix it.
Aljo_

PS, The reason why I am having to put up with all this memory loss is because the government doesn’t want me to remember who hurt me. That I am in my right for hating Dutch radio for constantly hurting my feelings. The government wants me to listen to Dutch radio anyway so they make me forget unpleasant memories as if they never happened. That the government wants the truth to be that the people on Dutch radio don’t know me and never refer to me, let alone having hurt my feelings. Miserable bastards!

PPS, The people who control me want me to forget what I learned over the years, like the way I think, and how I function by what information I try to remember to be really good at what I am doing. It is as if my identity is being erased.